Behind Blue Eyes
by muggle-iow
Summary: Songfic. Draco Malfoy's thoughts. Doesn't tie in with any of the books' time period, so just take it as it is! No DH spoilers.


Just a short songfic I wrote, it doesn't really fit in with any of the books, so yeah, just take it as it is! The song is 'Behind Blue Eyes' by The Who. Disclaimer; I don't own the song or the characters BEHIND BLUE EYES 

**No one knows what it's like, **

**To be the bad man, **

**To be the sad man, **

**Behind blue eyes. **

Badman, that was me, right? The pure blood Slytherin who was bound to be a Death Eater as great, if not greater than his father. My families path, my path set for be before birth, I WILL be a Death Eater, end of conversation.

**No No one knows what it's like, **

**To be hated, **

**To be fated, **

**To telling only lies.**

That's it really, being a Death Eater. You are hated by the rest of the wizarding world, and muggles too, although they don't know who they are hating; they call them terrorist attacks, they say it was another country, and ethnic minority. They wouldn't believe wizards existed. Fated, what is my fate? To become a Death Eater, that much is clear, to kill, to maim anyone that goes against 'us', never me, never the singular. Always lying to everyone, even each other, scheming to get closer to Him, the Dark Lord, one man – one man that's barely human anymore – can people's lives really revolve around serving Him, an almost God like figure, no, he can be hurt, he can be destroyed; would that make him a Christ figure to some?

**But my dreams,**

**They aren't as empty, **

**As my conscience seems to be.**

What if I don't want to be a Death Eater? I can understand the attraction to it, the promise of power when the Dark Lord rules, if he does, but surely that's all a hoax! He will drop them all as soon as he has power, can't they see they are all slaves to his will? I don't want that for myself, I can do better than that! I don't want to live with broken promises for the rest of my life!

**I have hours, only lonely,**

**My love is vengeance, **

**That's never free. **

**No one knows what it's like, **

**To feel these feelings, **

**Like I do, **

**And I blame you. **

Yes, lonely. No real friends, Crabbe and Goyle are just there because they aren't smart enough to get close to the Dark Lord themselves; they need to be dragged up by someone else. What if I don't want to be a Death Eater? What if I think the whole thing is a hoax? What happens then? My family deserts me, I'm hated by the Death Eaters, they will get revenge on me, on my family. I'll shame the name Malfoy. Why is family so strong, or why does it appear to be so strong? My father, the well-known Death Eater, acts as if he is close to the Dark Lord, what happens if I refuse to join them? He looses his status within the Death Eaters and will want revenge on me too. My mother, loves me, loves my father, follows my father even if she doesn't agree, who would she follow? Me, or him? If its me, she will die, if him, she will be unhappy. There's no happy medium. Any choice I make would involve death and disappointment.

**No one bites back as hard, **

**On their anger, **

**None of my pain and woe, **

**Can show through.**

But what can I do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!I can't disgrace my family, I do still have some pride in being Pure Blood. I can't let anyone know, I just have to go along with it, act as if I want to. Hope he gets destroyed before I get too deep. I have to keep going, follow the others quietly, just get on with it. I have no choice. I can't let them know I don't want to do this.

**But my dreams, **

**They aren't as empty, **

**As my conscience seems to be.**

**I have hours, only lonely, **

**My love is vengeance, **

**That's never free.**

Black escaped it, didn't he? The great Sirius Black, supposed Death Eater even after he disowned his family because _they_ were Death Eaters.You can't get away with it in these times. You have to do what is expected, but I can't. I can't escape it either.

**When my fist clenches, crack it open, **

**Before I use it and lose my cool, **

**When I smile, tell me some bad news, **

**Before I laugh and act like a fool.**

**If I swallow anything evil, **

**Put your finger down my throat. **

**If I shiver, please give me a blanket,**

**Keep me warm, let me wear your coat.**

Alone, alone, alone…the same word spinning around my head…alone. I have no one who understands. I can't do this, I must get out!

I can't.

I have to!

I can't. No one understands!

I must! I can't pretend any longer!

I can't. My family mean too much to me!

I must!

I can't.

I can't…

I must stay.

**No one knows what it's like, **

**To be the bad man, **

**To be the sad man, **

**Behind blue eyes.**


End file.
